Nick W.
Yelp
# A Culinary Adventure (And I Use That Term Loosely)
Oh, where do I even begin with this *exquisite* dining experience? For the bargain price of $200, I was treated to what can only be described as haute cuisine - if haute cuisine means "food that would make my dog file a complaint with the health department."
The starters arrived, and I was immediately impressed by their commitment to minimalism. Who needs flavor when you can have... well, the absence of flavor?
The octopus deserves special mention - it takes real skill to make seafood taste like it died of natural causes three weeks ago. Bravo! And the Prosciutto E Mozzarella? *Chef's kiss* - nothing says "authentic Italian" quite like cheese that's been aging on the counter since the Renaissance.
Now, the lasagne. I hesitate to call it lasagne, as that would be an insult to every Italian grandmother who ever lived. This masterpiece appeared to have been assembled by someone who had lasagne described to them once, in a dream, by someone who had never actually seen lasagne. My dog wouldn't eat this - and my dog once ate an entire sock.
The beet salad was particularly innovative - they managed to create beets that tasted like absolutely nothing. I didn't even know that was possible! It's like culinary alchemy, but in reverse.
And finally, the pièce de résistance: the "fresh wild salmon." Wild indeed - wild from its natural habitat of the freezer section at the local grocery store.
All in all, this restaurant has truly redefined Italian cuisine.
Five stars for creativity - it takes real talent to make food this aggressively terrible.
(for the entertainment value of watching $200 disappear into the culinary void)