Melissa S.
Yelp
I honestly don't know what people are on, but Simon's Lee not only has horrible cake, but it has some of the worst cake I've tasted in a long time.
If I could rate half a star, I would. I've been spending the past month or so looking for a bakery to do my wedding cake, and of course you hear it all over the Bridal Shows (which are a joke, btw) "Oh, you MUST try Simon Lee cakes, they're ARTISTS."
A word to the wise: artist does not equal chef. Their cakes are lovely, don't get me wrong. Granted, their style is a bit passe these days, but they're classic and lovely.
I guess I should relay my own experience to give what I'm saying some context.
Starting off, I tried calling Simon Lee to schedule an appointment so many times, but their voice mail was full. Are that many people in the Austin area getting married on any given day? Do they not have someone to mind the answering machine? After several tries throughout the week, my mother was able to reach someone during my normal work hours. She schedules the appointment, and that's it. "That's it?" I ask. "No 'what flavors do you want to try? No 'how many' or 'what day'?" Nope. Nothing. It seemed dubious at best.
So weeks later, after I had to bend over backward yet again to confirm the appointment (still with a chip on my shoulder that no one asked me about flavors) we walk in to Simon Lee's bakery - a poorly-lit, dusty, sad-looking place with their fake cakes for display. I grit my teeth, feeling rather nervous that I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face about my relationship with the bakery thus far. Would they even have any of the flavors I wanted?
I was greeted by a woman (I don't remember her name, I don't think she ever told me) who proceeded to seat us by a bunch of binders with photos (definitely from at least 20 years ago, as the dresses and hair showed) of their past work. I guess we were supposed to spend the next 20 minutes looking through these while they scraped up whatever flavors they had in the back.
Basically I told them I didn't like chocolate, which seemed to be a BFD (big f***ing deal), so they basically told me what flavors I'd be trying. Uhm, no? Not cool. How will I be able to know if I want you for my cake baker if I don't know if you can make the flavors *I* want? Wow.
So after 20 minutes or so, she returned with plates of four flavors or so. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember what all the flavors were. None of them were the flavors I was interested in, nor were the flavors anything resembling what they said they were - in fact, they all blurred together as they were all so much alike. The only one that stood out to me was the pistachio, which was so AWFUL I still cringe to think about it. Rather than being that nice, delicately sweet pistachio you think of with spumoni or other nice sweets, my tongue was tragically acquainted with a mushy mess of watered-down peanut-butter tasting glop.
The cakes were flavorless. The icings were as well, unless they were unbelievably awful. Blech! Bleh bleh bleh!
At that point, I didn't care that they had never heard of someone making an Earl-Grey flavored cake, or even Almond! Even if they had, I wouldn't ever want them making it.
So brides, don't fret if you're having trouble getting a hold of Simon Lee. Consider yourself spared.
