Josh P.
Yelp
Oh, the trials and tribulations of our ancestors. They endured forty years of wandering in the desert, subsisting on manna and quails, all so we could settle for subpar sushi? I think not. The saga continues, this time with a new Pharaoh named Sushiko, whose oppression comes in the form of lifeless rolls and insipid sashimi.
To say Sushiko's sushi is kosher is to say that my Bubbe's brisket is 'just okay'. It's a heinous understatement and a slap in the face. Our forefathers didn't part the Red Sea for us to be disappointed by food that's as bland as the Sinai sand.
The Sushiko experience begins with a sushi chef whose mood swings are as erratic as the desert winds. They must have taken their customer service cues from the Egyptians, because their warmth is as absent as leavened bread on Passover.
Now let's talk about their 'sushi'. It's like they've taken the concept of 'Chosen People' and applied it to 'Chosen Ingredient', and that ingredient is imitation crab. Every roll, every piece of nigiri, every sashimi... it's all imitation crab all the time. They've turned the art of sushi into a one-trick pony, and that pony is not even a thoroughbred. It's a crabby impostor.
Imagine my horror when I see a platter of Sushiko sushi at a wedding, a bar mitzvah, or worse, a bris! There's something deeply ironic about serving such a culinary circumcision at an actual circumcision.
Remember the story of Jacob and Esau? Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of lentil stew. At least he got lentils. At Sushiko, you're trading your birthright for a roll that's as dull as a dishcloth, and at least a dishcloth has a purpose.
So, my fellow chosen people, let us not be chosen for this culinary fraud. We've wandered enough. We've tasted the bitter herbs of slavery, yearned for the milk and honey of the promised land. We didn't cross the desert, survive the plagues, and build our culture to be given fake crab on a bed of rice.
We deserve better. We deserve real sushi, sushi that our ancestors would be proud of, sushi that is as diverse and vibrant as our history. We didn't wander through the desert for this. Let my people go... to a better sushi restaurant.