Club Dante

Comedian and Actor Bryan Safi’s Grub Street Diet

"The drink is great, and the food is pretty good. We get blue-cheese-stuffed olives; this delicious trout salad; a half-chicken, which is okay; and a side of sautéed spinach, which is so good. The guy at the table to my right didn’t like his old-fashioned because he said it should just be one big ice cube instead of two, so he sent it back. Doorman energy. The couple at the table to my left sat down as we were finishing, and when they started to order, I did something I’ve never done. They ordered a steak, and when the waiter asked how they wanted it cooked, I thought they said, “Medium rare.” But when the server repeated it back, he said, “Medium well,” and they nodded. It was a loud restaurant, and I was convinced they had misheard each other and that this was a huge mistake. Remember when that blonde model Celia put her neck out for another model in final judging on America’s Next Top Model and then Tyra admonished her for it? This was my Celia moment. I felt as though I had been put in this chair, in this restaurant, and on this planet to fix this. My mind started racing: The customers might not be satisfied with medium well. They might blame it on the server, who might blame it on the chef, and then Club Dante would be out of business. I started sweating. I saw the server about to punch the order into the computer, and I leapt in front of him and shouted, “WAIT! PLEASE, GOD, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS! YOU DON’T WANT THIS!” That’s what it felt like. I think I actually said, “I’m so sorry … I’m an idiot … and everyone hates me … but I think they said medium rare … but I could be wrong.” The guy was so funny and so nice and said he’d check with them again. So he did and … they said medium well. Humbling." - Alyssa Shelasky, Maanvi Kapur