"This steakhouse and brainchild of Renee Erickson (the chef/owner of , , —you get the point) has been the Capitol Hill place to eat red meat since it opened in 2015. But the food here just isn’t what it used to be—in fact, Bateau is pretty unremarkable. Bateau isn't a stuffy steakhouse where you’ll find stock brokers deciding the fate of our economy over a porterhouse. Instead, you’ll get the Seattle version, where Amazon employees have “can I pick your brain” dinners, and denizens of Magnolia venture out of their vortex for a casual weeknight jaunt. But that's where the novelty ends. The once-charming now-ubiquitous chalkboard menu is impractical—it's only charming if you're sitting on the south side of the restaurant and have 20/20 vision. And raw cow carcasses hanging on display as the restaurant's centerpiece just don't have the same sparkle when the meal is ultimately a letdown. Even with the fancy cuts, meat marbling, 126-day dry-aging, and words like côte de boeuf being thrown around, the steak lacks sex appeal. There's none of the char, sizzle, and juiciness that makes a slab of beef exciting. It’s just mildly seared meat, on nice china, overshadowed by anchovy butter. Then there’s the burger. This viral off-menu item has a tasty onion jam and olive oil-forward aioli, but some bites of the coarsely ground patty can chew like a piece of Hubba Bubba. The small plates aren't pulling their weight, either. Right when the delicious french onion croquettes stuffed with molten gruyere reel us back in, the sweet and sticky beef riblets come out burnt. And the black lemon puree smeared on the chickpea pancake looks like tar and tastes like cleaning supplies. Seriously, the best thing here (by a landslide) is the frites marinated in beef tallow. You should be able to rely on a great steakhouse for almost anything—date night, impressing out-of-towners, promotions, and any special occasion outside of marrying a vegetarian. But at this point, it's hard to muster up a single use case for Bateau, other than to pocket a couple of complimentary mint chocolate meringues and enjoy a plate of their standout fries—which you’re better off doing next door at " - Kayla Sager-Riley