"There’s nothing safe about Kuma’s. We’re not exaggerating—it looks dangerous in there. Metal music blasts at an ungodly decibel and the griddle is right off the bar, so visibility is low. As far as we know, no one’s gone deaf or otherwise been injured, and for the past 15 or so years, they’ve been serving burgers in Chicago. There are literally no rules at this place when it comes to burger toppings. Fried egg? That’s obvious. Pulled pork? Of course. Red wine reduction and an unconsecrated communion wafer to represent the body and blood of Christ? Wait… what the f*ck? Yeah, that happened, and the Catholic Church was in uproar. But as you could’ve guessed, Kuma’s didn’t care. We respect the hell out of their toppings, their creativity, and most of all, their gumption. For all you Johnny Cubs-fans, you should know Kuma’s only serves craft local beers, they won’t put sports on the TV, and you can’t wear your baseball hat inside. There’s no real reason for this—they just don’t like guys like you. So why subject yourself to this brutal atmosphere if it’s not your style? Because every burger here is good, and a reminder that it’s all worth it. Food Rundown Build Your Own Mac & Cheese If you’re at Kuma’s, just assume your body is going to hate you afterward. Go all in and start with the Mac & Cheese concoction of your dreams. Kuma’s Burger Expect every burger to be enormous, and perfectly cooked. This is their classic with bacon, sharp cheddar, fried egg, lettuce, tomato, and onions. All the Other Burgers Choosing a burger here is a hard decision. Beer battered tamale, brie, Andouille sausage, bourbon poached pear—these are actual things they’re putting on burgers. The decision is extremely personal, and there’s no right choice. Go with your gut feeling and try them all. BBQ Pork Fries It’s fair to give your doctor a heads up before you come here." - Caitlin Doermer
