Warren W.
Yelp
Oh Lord.
My friend Tim was in town and wanted to 'walk around' Chinatown. Why, I don't know, but part of being a friend is acquiescing to requests like this, so I met him at 9th and Arch and we proceeded to do as he wished-walk around. Of course, all this perambulation makes a man thirsty as well as hungry. David's Mai Lai Wah, which I heretofore knew nothing about, was right across the street when we both commented on our growling bellies, so we stepped inside.
When we entered, the place was empty save for 2 tables and even then, we stood in the entry way for more than 10 minutes until someone acknowledged us and pointed to a table. We sat, were given menus, then we sat some more.
The cocktail menu is odd to say the least, with things on it like 'Bee Feater' and 'AB Solute.' Quirky spelling aside, a lot of classic cocktails are priced at $6.50 here, which is about half of what you'd usually pay in almost any Philly bar. We wanted some booze, we were ready to eat. Still we sat.
Finally a curt older waiter came and asked what we wanted to drink. I ordered a Manhattan and Tim asked for a martini. We were not asked what kind of liquor we wanted nor did the waiter pay any attention when we said we were ready to order food. Hmmm....
Another 20 minutes passed, the place was still only 2 tables full plus us, and no drinks nor anyone inquiring as to what we wanted to eat.
At last our drinks came but again, when I said (politely) we wanted to order food, I was ignored.
The drinks. Oh, those drinks. Tim took a big swig of his martini and started to cough. I teased him about being a light weight until he made me taste his cocktail. I sipped and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "I know. Right?!," he said. "This must be some kind of industrial cleaner, not booze. It will probably kill us." With trepidation, I tasted my Manhattan and got a mouthful of what tasted like very cold cherry Robitussin. Since I'd done the honors for Tim, I made him taste my drink. Even through all his Botox, he screwed up his face when it hit his taste buds. I suggested we ask for the check and go elsewhere for food, since we knew we would not finish these abominable drinks and felt certain that no one was going to take our dinner order.
We tried catching the eye of several servers to no avail and finally Tim went to the register with cash, saying we wanted to pay. By now, the front of the restaurant was clogged with people waiting to be seated. The woman at the counter looked through Tim and did not take his money. He pressed a male server into helping him and was told that this server did not know what he had. Tim named the drinks and the man walked away.
He sat down again, suggested we just leave money on the table and go and said he needed the Gents before we headed out. While Tim was performing his ablutions, I again tried to get someone to give us a check and held up both credit card and cash as I attempted to get someone's attention. No dice.
Tim came back a little pale and I asked if he had a bad bathroom experience. He said the toilet was dirty but what bothered him were the dead fish floating in the over crowded, dirty seafood tank in the back, being eaten by live fish.
At that point, we put 2 tens on the table and pretty much fought our way through the throng of people at the door who were still not seated. I wanted to shout out, 'Abandon hope, all ye who enter here,' but felt that would just be in bad taste.
I will AB Solutely never darken David's door way again.