Jeffrey Y.
Yelp
This place felt like an artistic disaster reminiscent of how The Room (the movie) does. I go to restaurants for an experience, for a memory, to be delighted, for heart put into food which renders it an art. The pizzas here seemed devoid of soul.
The seven of us got three pizzas and two "not pizza"s (calzone and Bolognese) on a Monday night.
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Ambience: 2.5/5 -- One functional torchlight outside, others crooked. Loud traffic, door open to the inside. Cold outside, slightly less so inside. Bathrooms with an awkward door that opens outward to a narrow hall. Loud inside. A wall full of wine bottles. Similar bottles are grouped together, but oriented seemingly arbitrarily (no points for attention to detail -- trying to be a club or bar?!)
Service: 2.5/5 -- Not delightful, somewhat bizarre. Example:
- The torch light outside wasn't working and it was very cold outside, so we requested to sit inside. There were no other waiting parties but a table our size inside. One friend asked but was rejected. I asked a different person inside, explaining that we were cold, and they gave us the table. The waiter came outside and explained it would be a "tight squeeze" although it was visibly larger than our outside table setup.
Quality: 1.8/5 -- All the pizzas were salty. The flour felt quite dry and dispirited. The vegan cheese felt like sour cream. It seemed to lack character. The marinara sauce on all the dishes seemed over salted. The bolognese reminded me of the pasta I made in freshman year with the $1 Whole Wheat with Spinach Pasta from Target, only less tasty.
Part of dining is taking ordinary foods and combining them in creative or original ways, that render into soulful, life-affirming pieces of art. I'm not quite sure what this is.
The pesto pizza's copious arugula seemed sloppily thrown on. Meticulously attempting to take a piece, half of the arugula slips off the side, so you have to retrieve the fallen comrades.
The fried artichoke was a small platter of $16. Most good salads (or e.g. sides like Northern Cafe's $5 popcorn chicken, or any of Native Foods' vegan items) are more satisfying and delightful for less. This is hardly even original and in context seems low effort. No, just no. There seems to be a common theme here. What are you doing, Double Zero. You can't just slap a high price on it and get away with whatever this tries to be.
The desserts were overly sweet. We only finished half of the Chocolate Budino, as it was overly sweet and felt distant from "special". We did not finish it nor did anyone want to. My stomach felt uncomfortable near the end, and it was certainly not from overeating.
I feel {chocolate cubical structure and whipped cream} and {arugula topped pizza dough} are more apt descriptions for these tragic art forms. Fried artichoke is, well, just that.
Value: 1.5/5. Most pizzas were $22. Menu fine print: a 20% service surcharge is added for groups of 6. The prices are increased 5% due to operational costs in the state of California. For these prices, I expect a bountiful experience. This was not it.
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When I was a kid, I used to mix sauce packets together and be proud of my creations. The surprising tanginess, the contrasts, the multi layered swirls of flavor! As an adult, I know better. I like experimenting, I like innovating, but some things I wouldn't unleash into the wild as finished product. The pizzas here don't seem to have outgrown the throw-flavors-together phase. Incomplete, worrisome, sheepish. These are not the intended evocations.
Eating here gives me the impression of a tortured artist. If Matthew Kinney is "the future of food", this restaurant makes me very concerned.
The food is vegan though, which earns an admirable nod. Vegan food is not easy, but having eaten at (and reviewed five stars) Native Foods yesterday, it's no excuse for slacking the fundamentals of a dining experience.
Best in its niche of vegan pizzas? Maybe, I haven't tried others. Top notch for dining? Not so much.
I remember feeling uneasy after watching The Room, but growing to appreciate the "so bad it's good"-ness of it as time passed. I doubt it's what this restaurant is going for though. However, food is a journey, and sometimes you take awkward stops along the way. These weird tragedies make the truly excellent and heartwarming experiences all the most worthwhile.