Fox E.
Yelp
The best chicken in Chicago, I CONFESS
Is at a little place that's hard to ACCESS
It's so damn good you'll make a MESS
So be careful not to get sauce on your DRESS
At least not the chicken sauce, but I DIGRESS
It's not the kinda place to sit and play CHESS
Or take a hot date to kiss and CARESS
It's not a sweet spot to relax and DE-STRESS
And the TV never plays Bruno Mars' FINESSE
But the food is an unapologetic SUCCESS
And you will love it too, I believe, UNLESS
You're a vegetarian, to which I say "YES!"
But maybe you can try it when you're on RECESS
Anyway, I DM'd you my ADDRESS
And now I have to go do another Bench PRESS
But if you're free later, and you have BREASTS
And you're looking for a place to go and UNDRESS
You can come over to mine and we'll CONVALESCE
And next day for lunch, I'll take you to POLLO EXPRESS
WHAT
What to get: Rotisserie Chicken
What not to get: Routers for your internet that have sh**ty speeds
What else not to get: Rotting food out of a dumpster
But what if I'm starving: Just go to a grocery store and ask for some food they're throwing away - or a Pret A Manger if you have one near you - or ask a Yelper for help - those b****es have money.
I wanted a quick game of a Bougey Sport. Should have gone to "Polo Express." And I needed something comfy to lay my head on. Should have gone to "Pillow Express." I wanted some flavoured South Asian rice. Should have gone to "Pilau Express." I wanted a much smaller portion. Should have gone to "Paltry Express." I wanted to be on a weird diet. Should have gone to "Paleo Express." I wanted a cute, vacant woman to run for the vice presidency. Should have gone to "Palin Express." I wanted a dictator to rig US elections, murder his rivals, and attempt to emulate Stalin. Should have gone to "Putin Express." I wanted to tell your boyfriend to have his way with me. Should have gone to "Putitin Express."
OK, enough.
On my recent food tour of Chicago after participating in a soccer game, I came along to Pollo Express to give the most highly-rated and affordable Mexican Rotisserie Chicken in the area a try. Did you know that Mexicans famously make rotisserie chicken? They do, and they do it very very well. Right here, they have some of the best I've ever tried, along with wonderful rice and green beans. Mexican Chicken honestly rivals Colombian or Puerto Rican style for deliciousness. Come and give it a try and see for yourself.
And even though it's not the most comfortable place to sit and eat, it's still a great place to come for dinner. Chicago Cops come and eat here, so that says a lot because you know those guys are much more into eating than protecting the community LOL just kidding not really kidding kind of kidding nevermind.
Parking can be a real pain, and it's pretty expensive per hour, if you can even find a spot in this up-and-coming cool neighbourhood, and it's even more expensive to get a ticket, so be careful. There's a huge cute mural on the side of the building in the alleyway which is where I park when I pick up my take-out orders - but don't tell anybody that because it's really against the law. Not that I would ever generally break any law ever. Ahem.
Definitely one of my top 20 places to eat in Chicago, and some of the best rotisserie chicken I've had in my life - and if you take Peruvian chicken out of the equation I would say this is top 5 rotisserie chicken in the entire country, alongside Niagara Cafe up in Buffalo, and a few others here and there.
Oh and by the way.
A Mexican chicken just popped up and did this on my keyboard:
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Now that's what I call a Pollo X-Press.