The Coach - Clerkenwell

"Contrary to popular opinion, we don’t just go to restaurants, eat, and bosh out a few words. We go to restaurants, bosh out some words, and then go back again a bit later. It’s called due diligence people. Look it up. The point is we check back in on places. Especially ones that we’ve rated quite highly. The first time we ate at The Coach, it was brilliant. 8.5 brilliant. Delicious French bistro food in a pub environment. We had perhaps the best chips in London. A plate of gnocchi that went back to the kitchen gleaming. A garlic soup that was actually chuggable. But then we started hearing whispers. So we went back. Then we went back again. And, unfortunately, our worst fears have been realised. Because this coach has fallen off a cliff on the way to Calais. We’re not entirely sure of what’s gone wrong at The Coach. But we hazard a guess that the designated driver has changed. Because what was once simple and delicious bistro food has become very average bistro food. A plate of confit duck leg and potatoes is so salty it’s virtually inedible. And we’ll eat pretty much anything. The same goes for the onglet steak. It’s the most joyless, immovable, lump of meat since your hungover arse last hit the sofa. Order it if your jaw has nothing on. Unfortunately ours had things to do. People to talk to. It’s a plate of food that, like every exercise we’ve ever done, involves a lot of effort for nothing whatsoever. Not everything here is bad. It’s just not that good. When you’re paying £10 for a squid starter, or twenty quid for a tartare, you want to remember it. But unfortunately your memories at this pub become like any other on a Friday night. A little indistinct and a little expensive. The worst thing about it is that The Coach was really quite good. The chips, for example, were almost perfect. Beings sent from a galaxy far, far away that were the size of your hand. Now they’re different things entirely, and it’s a disappointment akin to George Lucas showing up, picking up a peeler, and manning the fat fryer. The room itself - particularly the downstairs dining conservatory - is still lovely, but unfortunately the food no longer matches it. This is definitely a place we’d recommend for a drink but if you’re looking to drop thirty-odd quid on a meal, we can think of better places and pubs to do it in. photo credit: Karolina Wiercigroch Food Rundown Cocktail Prawns, Devilled Crab, And Seabream Tartare With Soda Bread The devilled crab is sort of something - in a creamy and curried way - but the whole thing is like being sent a text about someone else’s starter, rather than eating it yourself. Grilled Squid With Harissa And Lime Creme Fraiche This is fine. The charred squid is tasty enough but the rest isn’t doing much. Duck Heart, Duck Fat Toast, Lardo Aside from its tendency to develop a not-so-sexy gravy skin, this was actually very rich and very tasty. Steak Tartare When we first ate tartare here is was excellent. This one was £19 badly spent. Duck Confit With Confit Potatoes You may think we’re being salty but this was so salty it made us write a salty re-review. Oxtail, Bacon, And Mushroom Pie Pies are a surefire way to make us (and a lot of people) happy. This one made us a bit sad. Ravioli De Royans Not necessarily untasty, but might send you into a buttery coma. Onglet And Chips Still chewing. Sticky Toffee Pudding A decent sticky toffee but it’s nothing to write home about." - Jake Missing

"There is something innately right about being in the pub with coworkers. The office, and the pub. They’re the only places that are normal, really. Everything else is just, a bit weird. You ever done karaoke with your office? Absolute car crash that ends with an HR intervention, right there. The Coach is an excellent choice for food and drink with work. The food in this boozer-done-good is French bistro, and the surroundings are comfortable and classy. Book upstairs if the weather isn’t looking great. Or, even better, their private room." - heidi lauth beasley, jake missing

"‘When in doubt head to the pub’. This is something that, for better or worse, we’ve been told for many years. And once again, it rises above other options. The Coach isn’t any old pub though. This is a pub where you can get a negroni alongside a pint of bitter, plus some of London’s finest chips, and one of its best steak tartares. This is not a normal pub, but that doesn’t mean it lacks all the normal things that make a pub great, it’s just got more. More rooms. More food. More things to like. It’s the perfect call whenever you’re suffering from indecision." - jake missing

"It can be very tempting on payday to fall into the post-work drink trap. What starts as ‘just a couple’ turns into ‘one more you boring sod’ that sloppily evolves into ‘let’s get a bottle’. Dinner can get lost in this good-time haze, but it doesn’t have to be. Just go to a great pub like The Coach. It’s a pub-bistro hybrid, which means it’s the place to start on some bubbly, negronis, or whatever you fancy, and then sidle into the dining room for steak tartare, chips, and creme caramel." - jake missing

"When you’re in Clerkenwell and looking for somewhere classy and refined to enjoy London’s 12-hour summer, The Coach is one of the best little patios you can be in. It’s a classy pub, and a decent restaurant, meaning you can continue going drinking in the sun before filling up on some French bistro style food." - heidi lauth beasley, jake missing, rianne shlebak