"On our last visit here, our cocktails were sweating so much they slipped through our fingers—we were sitting inside. And when two tiny birds accidentally flew into the dining room, its occupancy doubled. It was summer, and this is a winter restaurant. If you’re in South Beach and want to admire the purple glow of a Miami sunset while a mild winter breeze washes away any memories of frozen pipes and snow in your shoes (we’re not familiar—sorry), Zaytinya is great for that. Save for a few folks splashing around the pool, the patio has a lovely view of the ocean you can admire from under a vine-woven pergola. But, while there are some highlights on the menu, Zaytinya is far from Miami’s best Mediterranean restaurant. photo credit: Salar Abduaziz As far as food goes, Zaytinya has several misses, including chewy grilled octopus and a pide that’s saltier than your grandpa after losing a game of bridge. The amount of free and unlimited pita you’re offered throughout dinner is almost enough to distract you from the watery drinks. But there is redemption in two dishes: the crispy brussels sprouts and lamb shoulder platter. Come here with two people, order exactly that, and you’ll leave pretty happy. Just don’t seek out Zaytinya if you’re only on a mission for excellent Mediterranean food. The menu and service are too inconsistent to recommend this place for that. But if you do find yourself on the corner of Collins and Lincoln on a lovely day and you’re craving a patio and tender lamb, Zaytinya is a practical choice. Food Rundown Hommus Paying $12 for enough hummus to fill a saucer is wild. They try to make up for it by showering you with baskets of fresh pita, which at least provides an illusion of perceived value. Egg & Pastirma Pide They should set this slab of bread, melted kasar, cured beef loin, and egg up at a farm as a substitute for a salt lick, and let the cows go to town. All of these components are salty enough on their own, but the added flakes on top are just overkill. photo credit: Zaytinya Crispy Brussels Afelia This has been on the original menu of Zaytinya’s DC location for over a decade—you know, when brussels sprouts were as popular as mustache finger tattoos. And they should never remove it, no matter how untrendy they may be. These are charred, lounging in tangy yogurt, and covered with crunchy coriander seeds and sweet barberries. photo credit: Emily Schindler Octopus Santorini The professional photo above is not what we got. Ours was slimy, snotty, and the split pea puree was too thin. The whole thing looked like it was plated faster than a sneeze, and it felt like eating giant boogers (not that we’d know anything about that). photo credit: Emily Schindler Bone Marrow Kibbeh The amount of aromatic spices in the kibbeh overpower any hint of fatty bone marrow. It’s not a bad kibbeh, but it’s also not the meat-butter flavor punch we were hoping for. The Lamb Shoulder This is the most impressive dish on Zaytinya’s menu. Grab a juicy piece of smoked lamb shoulder from the platter, add harissa, and swaddle everything together with a lettuce leaf. It feeds two people, and you’ll still have enough leftovers to rock-paper-scissor over who gets to take the rest home. We wish everything on the menu was this delicious." - Virginia Otazo
