Bronek's Fish Restaurant - Review - Ealing - London - The Infatuation
"Calling Bronek’s Fish Restaurant ‘nautical-themed’ is an understatement. This isn’t a theme. This is an immersive experience where it feels plausible that a pineapple-dwelling sponge and small blue fish with short-term memory loss could drop by at any moment. At the helm is Bronek, the affable captain of this ship/seafood spot, who shuffles between the kitchen and the dining room, taking off-menu orders and photographs with diners like the Ealing celebrity that he is. Not all the fish is perfect—although, some is truly delicious—but the hefty platters are only part of the reason you come here. The other is to feel like the rowdy crew—it’s BYOB—on a ship’s mess deck. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Pause Unmute Bronek’s looks like a Trawlermen-obsessive’s house, in the best possible way. Large nets cover every inch of ceiling and all manner of objects from the seabed have found their way up here—shells, green glass buoys, a wooden ship’s wheel, the odd plastic lobster. There is maximalism, and then there is a blowfish twirling from the ceiling like a spiky piñata. This is Disneyland for people who get giddy at the thought of re-reading Moby Dick. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Pause Unmute There is a menu, but it’s a formality that most ignore. In fact, we’ve tried to order fish and chips, only to have Bronek (strongly) recommend that he has some fantastic bream instead. And Bronek always knows best. Your best bet is to let him do you a platter with a variety of fish. If you’re rolling with a group, this means an almost comically large, multi-layer dish. The kind where a huge octopus tentacle will be totally undetectable until you’ve eaten a top layer of deep-fried mackerel. We always stumble out in a kind of hazy, lobster-fuelled delirium. And if you don't have a camera roll full of selfies with the big model of a chef fish that stands sentry outside, did you really go to Bronek’s? photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Food Rundown You can order some variation of all of these dishes from the menu, or you can request them on the platters that Bronek puts together after a little consultation chat. Lobster If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to be Poseidon, eat this lobster while sitting inside Bronek’s fishy palace. It’s fresh, sweet, and meaty, with a simple garlic butter dressing. It’s also been prepped and glides effortlessly out of its shell—a bonus for those who find fish admin off-putting. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Octopus This octopus is tender but firm, like a well-adjusted lover. We’ll leave it there. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Salmon If we had a side hustle as a fish therapist, we’d unpack why this salmon has such a hard exterior but a soft centre. It has a crisp crust, while the fish beneath is still juicy. But it didn’t taste as flavourful as some of the other fish on the platter. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Deep-Fried Mackerel A satisfyingly fishy, salty, briny mouthful. The batter on this mackerel is suitably crunchy and crisp, and we like the fearless approach to seasoning. It’s essentially a fish goujon, but with the added benefit that oily, firm mackerel brings over a milder, flakier white fish. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Scallops With Mushrooms We’re a fan of these plump scallops and the garlicky sliced mushrooms that they come with. When we ordered the platter, they also felt like a bonus extra because it took us a while to find them buried underneath those Kraken-like octopus tentacles. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Fish & Chips This fish and chips was just fine. The batter could’ve been thinner and crispier. But we did like the mushy peas—still with a bit of bite to them—and the punchy tartare sauce. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch Deep-Fried Squid The batter on this was too thick and there was far too much salt for it to be enjoyable. If you get the choice of battered bits, plump for the mackerel instead. photo credit: Aleksandra Boruch" - Sinéad Cranna
