"Royal Mahal is a non-stop party in a fake palace. You could question the taste level of this Pakistani restaurant in Tooting, or you could embrace the velvet throne-chairs and the dynamite chicken in a silver goblet. Waiters waving sparklers form a conga line as a birthday song blasts out over the speakers. The food is pretty good, but really you’re here for the birthday remix track." - jake missing, rianne shlebak, sinead cranna, heidi lauth beasley