Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte Will Soon Return

"I feel end-of-summer dread compounded by Starbucks announcing the return of its Pumpkin Spice Latte, which some say could be back as early as August 28. The PSL is treated like an enshrined calendar event for its cult of cinnamon-loving devotees, even though I think it tastes like an equal-part mix of sugar and radioactive pumpkin glop. I can't help but wonder whether it's a mind-control beverage (MCB) engineered to enslave Americans by exploiting our collective desire to live off nothing but sugar — if boldness about bringing the PSL back in August is any indication, it may be too late. God speed." - Chris Crowley