Oslo Court - Review - St John's Wood - London - The Infatuation
"A blissful retirement—or simply, dinner—at Oslo Court begins with the words “come on in my angels”. It’s delivered by the leading man, the myth, the waistcoat legend, Neil. He welcomes you to this froufrou St. John’s Wood institution which opened at the bottom of a block of residential flats when Maggie Thatcher was still calling the shots. Apart from the appearance of a card machine and the odd botox-christened forehead, little has changed. The food is still French and everything is either undercooked, overcooked, served cold, swimming in marie rose sauce, or in desperate need of sodium CPR. But we don’t care and once you’re doily-deep in nostalgia, you won’t either. video credit: Emily Hai video credit: Emily Hai This prawn cocktail time capsule is first and foremost, a proper character—one dressed head-to-toe in salmon who sincerely believes crudité never went out of fashion and napkin folding is a lost art. Jazzy carpets aside, Oslo Court is still very much in style. Even midweek, the dining room is packed out and humming with dressed-up regulars and new revellers who can’t quite believe their favourite ‘70s Tumblr post has come to life. Dapper gents fork at fish goujons, golden anniversaries unfold over a single blush pink rose, and 20-somethings toe-tap to a borderline sensual soft jazz rendition of ‘Unbreak My Heart’. video credit: Emily Hai video credit: Emily Hai photo credit: Daisy Meager No one seems to mind that the lobster tastes like it’s been on a trip to the rubber factory or that the highlight of the £57 three-course set menu is the chips. And even if they did, Neil’s always on standby with a mood-boosting one-liner like “beautiful, you will love my strudel”. Oslo Court may be a relic of the past, but it’s one that belongs in the fun, frilly get-togethers of your future. Food Rundown photo credit: Emily Hai Butter 10 points for presentation. Almost too cute to eat. Almost. photo credit: Emily Hai Crudité If you’ve never dipped raw cauliflower in garlic mayo, this is a real opportunity for personal growth. We prefer to hold a carrot stick like a cigar and say “in my day, darling”, but that’s just us. photo credit: Emily Hai Fried Goujons Of Dover Sole Breadcrumbs make for forgiving fish clothing. This is no exception and like in life, all the best things at Oslo Court are fried. The goujons are particularly snackable—they’re crunchy, salty, and speak to our raging inner nugget freak. Combine with a dollop of the complimentary tartare sauce. video credit: Jake Missing Beef Wellington This puff pastry meat number is the highlight of the mains. It’s more tender than its tough meat cousin, steak Diane, and importantly, arrived warm. video credit: Emily Hai Halibut And Salmon En Croûte Neil, angel, if you’re reading this, please look away now. It brings us no joy to say that the Pernod sauce that comes with this sad state of salmon affairs might be Jigsaw’s first foray into punishment by way of liquorice. An anise attack that we’d rather not linger on at this time, thank you. Chicken Princess Oslo Court Like all the best royals, this noble chicken appreciates its privacy. Despite ordering, it failed to make an appearance at our table. Clearly we are not worthy subjects of HRH Poultry. One day we’ll meet. Until then, blessings your majesty. video credit: Emily Hai Triple Fried Chips Being served fluffy, thick-skin chips with silver service is great for your self-esteem. This is Oslo Court’s marie rose relief and therapy, potato style. photo credit: Emily Hai Pavlova Or, “pavlova”. Because if we know anything about false advertising, it’s that putting air quotes around things means you are protected from legislation. This isn’t really a pavlova, more a meringue with cream confidence and forest berry sidekicks." - Heidi Lauth Beasley
