Rules - Review - Covent Garden - London - The Infatuation

"There’s no need to traipse to Balmoral to live out your monied, dowager countess fantasies—because Rules is in London. This is (allegedly) the oldest restaurant in the city, established in 1798, and it wears its storied history proudly on its freshly pressed sleeve. For posing by a roaring fireplace like it's mummy and daddy’s country estate hunting lodge, or shmoozing Anglophile clients, this British restaurant-cum-film set is perfect. Just don’t expect the sometimes lacklustre British food to live up to the drama of the room. photo credit: Rules There’s a whole menagerie of horns, antlers, and taxidermy pheasants, plus portraits of men and horses everywhere. It’s impossible not to feel like a minor royal as you sit, ensconced in a red velvet banquette, sipping Aunt Nelly’s Tipple—a cocktail of gin, ginger wine, and cherry brandy. But the theatricality of the room and slight ridiculousness of it all is all part of the fun. Bowtie-wearing waiters dispatch silver tankards of London Pride to tables of power gilets-wearers, and elsewhere boozy sticky toffee puddings hit snoozy tables of suits. We did once spot someone in jeans, but our guess is that they were Burberry. Just know the food can be a bit bland. Everything is very pretty and there are some hits, like a velvety celeriac purée. But other dishes—a wild rabbit and ham hock terrine, the honey roast quince salad—are fine at best, forgettable at worst. Still, come to Rules to cosplay at being old money, skip the average starters, and have a nightcap at the sumptuous Upstairs At Rules cocktail bar, and you can have a special, memorable night. Food Rundown Honey Roast Quince Salad It’s a perfectly fine salad. The quince is a little sweet, which is nice, but we wanted more stilton and less rocket. We wouldn’t order this again. photo credit: Sinéad Cranna Wild Rabbit & Ham Hock Terrine We’ve never had a terrine as tame as this. The meats are so mild in flavour they’re pretty much indistinguishable from each other. The piccalilli has a nice tang, but it’s not enough for us to recommend you order this. photo credit: Sinéad Cranna Roast Monkfish Tail A fresh, elegant dish. The fish is cooked perfectly—a nice crispy crust has formed but the meat is still moist—and we’re big fans of the delicate, slightly sweet vermouth sauce. The tender, emerald green, steamed spinach is tasty too. photo credit: Sinéad Cranna Potatoes Dauphinoise Potatoes and cream together should be good. But, crucially, salt should also be invited to the party. This potato dauphinoise is so woefully underseasoned that it’s bland. The potatoes are also a tiny bit too firm. photo credit: Sinéad Cranna Celeriac Purée We can’t quite believe we’re saying this, but ditch the potatoes and get the celeriac purée. It might be the colour of a very trendy concrete wall, but it’s velvety smooth, nutty, and sweet. We could have eaten the whole silver tray with a spoon. photo credit: Sinéad Cranna Rules Sticky Toffee Pudding Pedro Ximénez sherry is the first thing you’ll taste with this dessert. And you’ll still be tasting it as you brush your teeth for bed. It’s incredibly strong. And for that reason we would’ve liked sweet clotted cream or ice cream. The tang of the crème fraîche fights against the alcohol. That aside, the texture is lovely and moist, the toffee sauce soaks into the sponge, and we love the added touch of caramelised walnuts on top. PlayMute video credit: Sinéad Cranna" - Sinéad Cranna