"The Noodle Inn queue is the most harrowing thing to happen to us in Soho since we accidentally body-barged Florence Welch outside Big Foyles. You will inevitably find yourself sandwiched between someone watching a TikTok of a man getting to second base with the hulking (yet deceptively dry) beef rib and a tourist whose idea of a good time is a tantric double billing of Apple store service and Final Destination: Noodle Fever. Enough. Break free. Marvel at the girth of some exceptional biang biang at one of these places instead. 6pm in the year 2030AD when everyone has moved on" - jake missing, sinead cranna, rianne shlebak, heidi lauth beasley