T.i.t.t.s is a restaurant that shouldn’t exist - Review - Miami - The Infatuation
"Remember in middle school when we thought it was funny to refer to our elbow as a weenus? We’ve matured since then. But the masterminds behind T.i.t.t.s Chicken are definitely still stuck in the weenus stage of life. It’s fitting that this rock bottom of a restaurant concept finds itself in Brickell, sharing a zip code with Sexy Fish and Salt Bae. The more you try to make sense of this place, the more you consider moving to Ohio. The nonsensical name is an equally nonsensical acronym for, “This. Is. Their. Time. Social.” They claim to not just be a restaurant, but “a movement.” Their menu revolves around lifeless chicken tenders. video credit: Mariana Trabanino photo credit: T.I.T.T.S CHICKEN video credit: Mariana Trabanino photo credit: T.I.T.T.S CHICKEN Pause Unmute Don’t let any of this, or the maniacal smiles from the legion of influencers posting about this place, fool you. It’s as thoughtless as it sounds. The miniscule restaurant fumbles one of the easiest menus possible. The chicken tenders are bone dry, the gravy tastes like soap, and the sterile restaurant would make more sense as a hangover IV treatment center. The next time you’re strolling through Brickell and pass T.i.t.t.s, cover your child’s eyes. Then, look them in the eyes and whisper the following wise words of advice: “Kid, sometimes things are truly as dumb as they sound.” Food Rundown Chilli Smacked Cucumber Someone must have mistakenly sent them a massive shipment of cucumber, which they simply sprinkled chilli flakes atop, and called it a day. There really is no other logical explanation for why this is on the menu. PlayMute video credit: Julia Malave The Half If they’d commit to the bit and only serve chicken breast, we might hate this place a little less. But unfortunately they also subject their customers to shriveled whole (or half) rotisserie chickens that taste like they've been sitting out since Apollo 11. The half portion is $14, which is extortion when you compare it to the $9 one at the nearby Publix. PlayMute video credit: Julia Malave The Sandwich They cover the bun with cheese and torch it to give it a croque monsieur effect, perhaps attempting to distract you from the dry, underseasoned chunk of fried chicken. It doesn’t work (and we witnessed someone nearly light a tray on fire in the process). It’s just a bad sandwich. PlayMute video credit: Julia Malave Crinkle Cut Fries The only thing we didn’t briefly consider spitting out. Just don’t dip them in anything besides ketchup. The hot honey is an abomination." - Mariana Trabanino
