"Quaglino’s is one of the few remaining London restaurants where you can wear sequins without getting any stink eye. Only, it isn’t really a restaurant. It’s Disneyland for people with Fitzgerald complexes who wish to trade the days of ‘untz untz’ for good old-fashioned razzle dazzle. Between the mostly serviceable European classics to the finger-clicking singers on stage, this underground St. James’s spot is a cruise ship experience for anyone who prefers to stay firmly planted on dry land. The glitzy jaw-dropper space will hit you full force from the moment you enter. There’s a grand, sweeping amber staircase, a massive oval bar, and a stage with actual dolled-up humans performing an assortment of Norah Jones and Rat Pack tunes. The menu is mostly vintage brasserie classics, with the odd toe-dip into East Asian flavours, like a miso-glazed monkfish or a one-note ponzu tuna tataki. Frankly, few things will thrill. Pommes frites are pomme frites and the steak is a steak, albeit a well-cooked one. The good news is, you’ll be having so much fun toe-tapping in time with the band and contemplating life as a sensual cigar smoker, that you’ll barely notice that the £40 prawn cocktail predominantly tastes of overly sweet marie rose sauce. video credit: Heidi Lauth Beasley video credit: Heidi Lauth Beasley The pricing has what we like to call an ‘experience tax’ built in and there’s an additional fiver-a-pop music fee per person. But, it is worth it. Make like the suited 50-something legend we saw here treating his missus to a glass of fizz in front of the stage for a dressy date night. Or make a booking for any occasion that can be classed as SUR—sequins urgently required. Food Rundown video credit: Heidi Lauth Beasley Quaglino’s Cocktail No dish is more in keeping with the HMS Jazz Hands mentality quite like this OTT take on a prawn cocktail. Turns out, de-shelling prawns can be glamorous but a lot of that salty ocean flair is lost to the very sweet marie rose sauce. photo credit: Heidi Lauth Beasley Yellowfin Tuna Tataki Fun fact: Quaglino’s played the role of a glam ‘90s restaurant in the Netflix adaptation of One Day. This plating ought to convince you that it was exceptional casting. Beyond the arty avocado emulsion squiggles, the ponzu dressing is more sweet than citric but the tuna has a great glossy, firm texture. video credit: Heidi Lauth Beasley Hereford Beef Fillet If you have ever eaten a decent fillet, you already know exactly what this tastes like. No funny business, no surprises, just some quality tender meat cooked to the acquired medium rare." - Heidi Lauth Beasley