"It’s 7:50 a.m. in the misty mountain town of Tepoztlán, and I’m fighting the morning chill with a fluffy white poncho wrapped around my shoulders. I just finished a ritual of breathwork and yoga with my fellow retreat participants and am now anxiously awaiting my next appointment: a journey with 5-MeO-DMT, a compound known as the God Molecule in psychedelic circles for its ability to elicit a non-dual state of consciousness, also known as ineffability. I asked to be the first of our group of seven to go, mostly out of fear. When I’m summoned to enter the ceremonial space, Joel Brierre and Victoria Wueschner—CEO and founder and head of education, respectively, of Tandava Retreats—are ready for me, each seated on opposite sides of a mattress topped with fresh linens and blankets, where I’ll lay for my ceremony. After briefly introducing what to expect during my experience, Wueschner comes to my side and hands me a pipe. She tells me to breathe in the vapor within it and hold it in my lungs for as long as I can. I do as instructed and lay back. Seconds later, I lurch forward and scream in panic, reaching for Brierre on my right-hand side, asking him to save me. I tell him I don’t want to die. Then, as suddenly as my fear arrives, it dissolves, and I experience a full and total ego death. What happens next is almost impossible to describe—which, I learn, is common for participants of 5-MeO-DMT journeys. But as a writer, it has left me somewhat stumped." - Michaela Trimble